My husband thinks I have dumped him in the care home


I sent a letter to the government for assistance in making changes to the long term care homes and the only one that replied was MP Paul Manly who cannot do anything for us.

We are now advocating to get into care homes to see our loved ones… they have dementia and do not understand why they cannot see us. My husband started to get anxious and aggressive because he could not see me. I used to go in every day at supper time and help him with his care.  He misses me and does not understand why I have not been into see him… he thinks I have dumped him there.

I was lucky and had a phone installed in his room before COVID and he calls me every day, sometimes 3 or 4 times. Now they will not let him call me after supper, they say he gets agitated.

Instead of making a plan to have me in to help calm him, they added more drugs. Now after a few weeks, staff is getting the drugs right and he can carry on a conversation. I think his preference would have been to have me there. He was never one for taking drugs.

I understand Dr. Bonnie Henry is saying sometime in the next “few” weeks they will look at letting in family. My suggestion is they look at a family member as a part of the residents’ care plan and acknowledge that mental health is as important as physical health. He just phoned me again and said “I want to see you”. I told him I could maybe see him through a window. He did not understand. He wants to see me, have me hold his hand, look him in the eye and tell him I love him and everything will be ok.

It was a heartbreaking decision to put my husband into care. I was assured it was his home first and a facility second. Well, if it was his home, he would have me come in daily to hang out and help when needed. I am missing out on the final days of my husband’s life while the world makes plans for hockey to start and restaurants to open.

Carmen B.